When I started out as a new spouse to my husband It was a roller coaster I didn’t know how to control. I was lost, realized I had to learn a new language, in the military community and learn new rules that we’re on base. This was all new to me and I was learning this alone.
Any new spouse coming into the military community will be ahead of the game with these tips.
With this in mind, the following is a guest post below from Stephanie, a blogger from Military Travel Mama. She is a military spouse, a travel and food blogger. You can learn more about her here.
5 Tips Every New Military Wife Needs To Know
Military families have positive and negative characteristics that are hard to maneuver around. On the one hand, there tends to be more love and security in good marriages of this kind. But there is distance, moving is regular, and it takes more work than many marriages. There is this quality to difficult situations, though: if you face them, and transcend them, you are stronger.
For this reason, there are a lot of military marriages which become pillars of their local community given time. When they do become local to a place, that is. There are just as many that fall apart. But you can get through the hard times, and they will make you stronger; and you’ll likely find the good outweighs the bad. With that in mind, it makes sense to consider some tips pertaining to this lifestyle—five will be explored here.
- Finding Mentorship Is Key
Plug yourself into the community your husband is part of. What social groups comprise it? What are their habits? Find yourself a mentor—another military spouse is probably going to be your best bet.
Find a woman whom you trust, and who has a good reputation. Become friendly with her, and seek her mentorship. Finding several mentors of this variety to help guide you can save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches.
- Know A Military Marriage Will Be Work; Mentally Prepare
Look, it’s going to be hard sometimes. He’s going to be away for long periods of time, you’ll be at home; there’ll be a home to manage. Being a military spouse means having a comparable level of discipline to his, but in a different region of life. If you haven’t yet tied the knot, perhaps start seeking out those mentors now.
If you have, keep in mind that an ideal marriage of the non-military variety is a lot of work. In the service, you’ll move regularly for varying reasons, your husband will encounter some of his life’s greatest challenges, and so will you. Knowing this beforehand keeps you from being controlled by emotions when the events themselves transpire.
- Show How You Feel Reciprocally
With any man, demonstrating you mean what you say will only go so far. A man in love will tend to believe the best, but he can’t read your mind. Beyond showing him, you need to tell him what you’re proud of, or what’s bothering you. Do something nice for him to show you do respect him. One thing I did one time created a custom challenge coin for both of us to keep in our wallets a token of appreciation for the most important man in your life.
- Don’t Get The Wrong Idea: Homecomings Can Be Hard
If he had a boring deployment that led to no advancement and included no combat engagement, he’s going to likely be restless. Additionally, he’ll have grown used to living as a half-bachelor with his unit. Certainly, there’s discipline, but it’s still hundreds or thousands of men living in close-quarters with few women or children around. He’ll have certain habits.
If things don’t go well, he may be dealing with some level of PTSD. He may come back injured, or psychologically different. He’ll still be him, but you may need to heal the guy a bit, and indirectly. Mentors help; find some who’ve had husbands that went through it all. They can keep you from making the mistakes they did. Military homecomings are hard.
- Know You’ll Move Regularly, Make Planning Ahead Habitual
This was already touched on, but it bears repeating: you’re going to move a lot, and you need to be prepared. Planning ahead helps situate you to handle unexpected difficulties when they arise. Make a habit of doing so; your husband can help you find strategies that work. If you run a tight ship, you’ll be able to cut down associated hassle tremendously.
An Adventure Lies Ahead
There will be ups and downs, but there will be adventure and epiphany as well. Love and respect him, plan ahead, know what’s in store, and make sure you’ve got good mentors to help you along.