I see a lot of those sweet, tear-jerker, deployment homecoming videos, That will make you cry, just by watching a few seconds of it. What they don’t show is the preparation it takes for the few seconds or 1 minute of the reunion of the families that it takes to get to that point.
The preparation is what they don’t show you. The time off the job (if you work) needed to pull off the “perfect” homecoming. The energy it takes, The food, the videos, the photos, preparing the kids for the spouses arrival, letting them know how to behave. They will be OF COURSE happy but the “red tape” of making sure your kids are behaving “Right”, takes a lot of work, in between, to make sure it’s an ” unforgettable” moment, and guess who has to make sure everything is “perfect” & “unforgettable?”
You… But, let me tell you that its worth it. It’s worth the tears, the pain, the frustration, the anger, the irritability, it’s all part of the preparation it takes to create that memory for you, your family, spouse, children and in between… It’s worth it in the end.
It can be stressful
As I stated before, trying to get the time off at the perfect time, for your spouse to pick them up, if you work or have a part-time job, Cleaning, de-cluttering the home to make sure its “perfect” for your spouse when they get home. Setting things up with the kid’s school, if you want to surprise them. Trying to find a photographer, finding color matching clothing for everyone for the perfect “Picture perfect Military Family Photo, creating a banner with the kids or just creating a “Creative” moment that could be used on pinterest for the homecoming.
It’s stressful….But worth it. Like child-birth, The pain and stress of it, you don’t remember until you hold your precious bundle of joy in your arms. The preparation you don’t think of when you are preparing for the homecoming.
You both are different people
You know this, but you don’t know the extend until they are home… being different, and so are you. If you spent the whole deployment learning a new skill, or “Being Busy” as they say you should, during a deployment, you are a new person, that your spouse has to learn to live with. It’s an adjustment for the both of you. It will take time, arguments, even leading up to the homecoming, its all about learning how to adjust to one another, and it’s ok. It will take time to adjust.
Sex & Date night may not happen right away
When you pick up your spouse from the airport, Flight line, or bus stop, they might just be tired from the travel, hungry or just wanting to rest from the work they we’re doing while on deployment. So, the reunion briefs or deployment briefs, tell you, to give your spouse a 72 hour time frame, to get adjusted before having sex or even date night. It depends on your spouse, so, do what works best for your family.
There is a “New Normal”
After Deployment… You both are different. You both will find that you will have a “New Normal.” Where you both accepted your new selves, You found the time for sex, intimacy, date-night, the routine with the kids, everything will eventually work together, it will take time. It Is hard and frustrating at first, but you both will get through it because it takes time. Give each other Grace, Grace & more Grace!
I pray that these tips will help you adjust to the deployment homecoming that will happen when your spouse comes home.
These tips I have learned over time, I have taken advice, from other spouses in my seat and applied to what works for my family. It’s the preparation after the homecoming, that takes the most work.
This just reminded me of the work needed to make sure my spouse is coming home to a supportive wife and family.